Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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