OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
