I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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