words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
