my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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