Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
