Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
