I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
