you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
