im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
