I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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