you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
