Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am midnight drunk by noon
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
