i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
