is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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