she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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