Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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