I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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