Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
