It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
