Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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