im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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