so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
