I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
