Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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