i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
