I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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