Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
