I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
