were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
