I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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