Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
