: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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