Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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