Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
