Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
