i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
