I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Boobs speak an international language.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
