I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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