You're a womanizer and a bitch.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
