Dual....:-)
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
