Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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