remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
