I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
