I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
