some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
