boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
