Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
