Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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