...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
