i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
