break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
