I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
