Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
