Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
